Men: Fathers Who Don’t Want To Be – 1

Over-used quote: “Be careful about what you ask for. You might just get it.” Most of you have heard this quote.

Quote correlates … a common dynamic, marriage and divorce. To justice-of-the-peace, or pastor to facilitate the wedding process, a couple knows this is what they WANT. Within the next five years, how many decide they WANT the OPPOSITE?

“Yeah, well … I’m sorry, Babe. I thought this is what I wanted. But I guess I don’t want this, anymore. Let’s stay in touch, do coffee sometime.”

A former associate of mine called divorce “a soul-ripper”.

But wait: I’m talking about being a father; not a spouse. True. But, you hopefully see the connection: the word / force “commitment”.

In fact, the word / force “commitment” has a greater weight, for a man, when it comes to fathering a child. With children involved, one question (among others) is paramount: how will a man father his children?

Okay, wrapping up this first post “Men: Fathers Who Don’t Want To Be”, I’ll conclude with this thought. As long as a man is in his right mind, he must grapple with this question. (Again) “How will a man father his children?” And, like the guy on the witness stand who pleads “The Fifth (Amendment), a guy can claim that he is not in his right mind, I suppose, just to avoid taking responsibility.

Because if a man does not want to be a father, there are some profound choices to make. For 7 1/2 years, I worked at a residential substance-abuse rehab facility for adult men (non-profit), and it was free … Thus, virtually most of these men were homeless … And about 60-70% of these men had left their wives and their children … for their addiction and/or their perceived freedom (not knowing about the slavery of addiction to come). I crossed path with these guys in this homeless shelter, and their stories are unfathomably frustrating. To a large degree, these are men who don’t want to be fathers. Part of the process I worked with these guys was to challenge them / invite them / empower them to get their butts back home, and be a father again … be a husband again … I’ll pick from here on the next post. Peace out … T


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