Hey, Guys … I have wanted to write this post for a while. This is for men; this is for the sons who need good men to be in their life; this is for women who can encourage men as they feel led. And just as importantly: this is for the young people in our generation, in our lives, who desperately need something, like support, like a “Hello”. Years ago, I worked with at-risk kiddos: both boys and girls; mostly adolescents. I remember in a group we were having at the group home, one boy was responding to my words that his participation in the group without screaming profanity was very important to everyone. His words were:
Here is what he meant:
The question, “Who cares?!”, I learned is not meant as a question, but a statement. After the boy asked that question, I answered him: “I care.” He looked at me, rolled his eyes, and said “It wasn’t a question.” There are two other questions that were “asked” often:
“What difference does it make?”
“So WHAT?! What are YOU … going to do?”
These two questions were like the first one: statements.
Okay, my point is this. One of the dynamics that was going on, and maybe the kiddo did not even realize it, was this … in my own description:
A boy throws out a question that is really a sneer, another version of
“F _ _ _ Y _ _”.
The question / statement is also meant as a dare. My paraphrase, instead of “Who Cares?”, what is meant is this: I DARE YOU TO CARE! Don’t tell me you care, because I’ve heard it all before by mean people, and didn’t care. You say you care, but I am going to go run from this place, and … guess what? You’ll never see me again! Do you know how many stinking counselors I’ve had since I was ten, when Social Services took me away from my parents? No, don’t tell me you care. I know better.”
I’m going to add one statement to those three questions:
“I don’t care.”
The big picture, guys, is that this area of discussion is a big mess. Our society has betrayed our kiddos. If you were to invest into a kiddo, one of your hurdles would be to give that kiddo a reason to care. Another hurdle: to show that you actually do care ( in response to the question). And it will probably take a while. Another hurdle: get a handle on how you are going to answer the other question, “What are you going to do?” If you say you are going to do something, then do it.
Don’t promise what you cannot deliver.
For their question about “difference” … that’s a tough one. Our kiddos today need to see the difference, because talk … is … cheap.
And, my last encouragement, guys, is this. As men (not kids / adolescents) we have our own “stuff”. Maybe some of you are saying to yourselves right now,
“I … Don’t … Care.”
If you do not care, then forget about investing into the life of a kiddo. Let me rephrase that:
forget about investing into the life of a kiddo.
If its your son or you daughter, that is a different story but the importance of caring is no less important. If you are doing the “I don’t care”, then you need to … somehow … get your butt from the stagnant pool of toxic emotions where you are sitting in, to some dry ground, where you will stand firm, and stand in the gap, and fight for your son and your daughter. You are needed now. Let’s do this. This could be one of your finest hours.