Off My Game …
Writers don’t always have the words.
Sojourners metaphorically entering the Forest of Fangorn, unsure of what is ahead; unsure of what to do with what is ahead; unsure of what words to use; what weapons to wield in the battles to come, the battles to fight.
Winter. I’m off my game. Firewood has always been cut, chopped, stored, by now … albeit in different quantities / levels of sufficiency. ‘Snow blower has been “on-line”, ready to start, and go, and blow. Wool socks? Off course. My ski-bib overalls? Definitely. Boot-traction pads? Yes, they come in handy. This winter, no. All pieces scattered, not in place.
So, what happened?
Questions. Sometimes, the questions are (far) more important than the answers. I believe these dropped-balls are indicators of a deeper pain. I sit, and walk, in the tension between … immeasurable thankfulness, and undeniable longings for the fullness that I know could be there, or rather … here. I am reading excerpts of a book entitled Finding Our Fathers by Samuel Osherson. So much I could quote, but instead I will acknowledge a thematic, a global substance. Some of us, men, did not find … or receive … what we longed / long for, and we continue to live out our longings for our fathers, still hoping for what we needed / need (or wanted / want?). With that being said, I am in a place, my family provided for (not in abundance). I am also in a place … more weathered than ever before. As a dad for my kids, I cringe because of not being emotionally present, a provider of all that I want to provide (greed, or honorable longing?); as a husband, sad that I do not live as a swashbuckling Wilder Man bringing adventure to my awesome wife?
I am in the Fangorn Forest, a place where many men refuse to go. I feel compelled to share these parts of my story with other Wilder Men, hoping to encourage them as I need to be encouraged.
- Do not give in to the night;
- Do not forsake your vision;
- Keep your sword, your sharpened sword, close and ready;
- Live for those who you love, those who love you, in an other-centered movement;
- And, love well …Not only fight well, but love well.
In the Fangorn Forest, I hope to walk with you, pushing through.
Aragorn: “The tracks lead away from the battle! Into… Fangorn Forest.”
[The three look up into a very dense forest.]
Gimli: “Fangorn! What madness drove them in there?”
On my end, I’ll get back on my game.