Garage of a Wilder Man: LOST

Unconfirmed Rumor

(I just started the rumor about 15 minutes ago)


Scientists have researched Black Holes, in outer space, for many years – – – obviously.  Now, there is reason to believe that there are Black Holes on our planet; not only on our planet but right here in the Rocky Mountains.  That explains my (outer) garage.  I had wondered many times about my (outer) garage, whether or not it was an actual Black Hole.  It might be, but there are some characteristics about my (outer) garage-Black-Hole that don’t really fit the conventional Black Holes in space.

  1. One difference:  I actually conquered the daunting chaos in my (outer) garage about three months ago.
  2. Another difference: with Black Holes in space, once you go in, you never come out (I think that is right).

Regardless of my victory over the (outer) garage, I have a sobering update.  My garage is now lost, swallowed up by the Black Hole.  Why?  I am appreciative that you asked, my friends.  My garage is lost, submerged in chaos, because we have projects (approximately 550), and whenever we are finished with a project we take our tools, materials, boxes, and place them … where? … in our (outer) garage.  I was quite pleased with my progress when I conquered my (outer) garage.  I made shelves of different sizes, storage areas for hardware, a place to store our tarps (hanging from the ceiling).   I almost called Better Home and Gardens to have them come and do a story on my (outer) garage.  But I came to my senses, and considered that irrational thought is not all that it is cracked up to be.

I gazed into my garage with a mixture of shock, grief, and confusion, and asked myself:


did all the space go,

from my outer garage?”

And then I realized, after looking at two words I chose in my question: 1) “outer”, and 2) “space”.  Outer Space.  That is where my garage space went.  Outer Space.  Chances are, it is in some Black Hole.

Artist’s portrait of what a black hole might look lie.

Artist’s impression of the surroundings of the supermassive black hole in NGC 3783[21]




Garage Angst: My Treasures / Wife’s Junk

If it was up to me, I would not have tackled the outer garage today.  It was my wife’s idea.  She is an angel (not literally) … and we have had this discussion before, somewhat paraphrased below, between my wife (the angel) and me (the non-angel):

The Angel:  I want to get the outer garage cleaned out, today.
Non-angel:  You know, I think this is something we should both agree on.  I don’t WANT to work on the garage today.  If we do, its a lot of work, and it will take a great deal of time.
The Angel: That’s okay.  I’ll just work on it myself.
Non-angel: (Pause … an ominous pause) Yeah, I know how that works.  If I am not there with you, you might get rid of things that I don’t want to get rid of.  And … I will see you working in the garage and I start to feel guilty, and then … I’m sucked into the Garage Angst.
(My wife smiles a beautiful smile mixed with a slight mischievous grin …)
The Angel:  Well I guess you will just have to help me, then, so you don’t feel guilty.
(At least we are both laughing)

So, bravely I entered the Garage Angst.  Over the last three months, I have procured three different cabinets / chests from random finds along the mountain roads up here, where people put items out by the road that they do not want anymore.  These three “units” were like gold, as I thought of the cool stuff I could store in there …

The Angel:  These three cabinets / chests … are out of  here.
Non-angel:  No!  No, no, no.  I’m going to use them to store things in.
The Angel: Why haven’t you been using them?
Non-angel: Because I have not had time to get to them.
(My wife’s smirk says to me that she knows I will probably never get to them.  We negotiate, and I get to keep one, but two have to go.)

I have a well-worn leather tool belt: two different pouches for nails and / or wood screws; one holder for a hammer, two narrow pencil shaped slots for drill bits / razor knife / screwdriver – – – $5. WOW !!!  Anyway, the belt that went along with it was about two notches too small for my medium-sized girth, and I replaced it with another belt … But I wanted to keep the original belt.

The Angel:  Are you kidding me? This has to go!
Non-angel:  No.  You never know when it might come in handy.  Besides, it’s leather and leather is expensive.  And, I might go down to a 32 so that it would fit.
The Angel: This is the kind of thing that you don’t keep around. It just takes up space.
(The belt was sent into exile.)

Lastly, for today’s adventure, a pair of old boots came up for discussion.  My son’s boots are bigger than mine, and he was getting rid of his.  True they were old, and one of the dogs had gone after the back of the top of the shank, tearing it off …

The Angel:  Don’t you already have three pairs of boots?
Non-angel:  Yeah, Honey, but a mountain man always keeps extra boots.
The Angel: Once again, I’ll remind you: just because you live at 8800 feet in the mountains does NOT make you a mountain man.  Secondly … No.  The boots are going.  Look! Its torn in the back! 

I really don’t like cleaning out the garage.  Why?  Because afterwards I  admit (silently to myself) that she was right on this one.  Admittedly, it does look better.  The only problem is the garage angst, because  I didn’t really need the fourth pair of boots.